I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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