OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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