white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
