I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
