I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
