There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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