She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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