On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
