Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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