As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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