he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
