Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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