apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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