I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
