Can Purell be used as lube?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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