is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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