Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
