we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
