Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
