So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize