there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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