He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm like, not good at living.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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