Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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