Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
