i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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