we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
