Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
