I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
