I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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