I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
