she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
