Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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