Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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