There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
