if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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