Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
