I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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