We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found your dick twin last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
