nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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