I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
