I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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