i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
