I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
