Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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