I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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