The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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