Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
