youre lurking in front of me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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