we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
