Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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