GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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