i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
