i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
