Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
