omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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