i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
