And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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