I didn't shave. On purpose
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
