It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
