Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
