I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
