Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
