matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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