Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
