I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
